


Never Let Me Go

by theappleppielifestyle



Series: Falling 'Verse [1]
Category: The Avengers
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Self Harm, steve.tony, time travel sort of, whats wrong with Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-07
Updated: 2012-03-07
Packaged: 2017-11-01 14:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/357822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theappleppielifestyle/pseuds/theappleppielifestyle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Get Hank," Steve snaps at a gaping Bruce. "Tell him that Dr. Doom's time travel thing is focused on Tony this time. Call the Tony from this time and tell him to get here, now. And get a doctor. The bleeding's not stopping."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> TO THE AMAZING georgiathekiwi.tumblr.com WHO GOT ME AN ACCOUNT :)

Three seconds after Steve finally gets to sit down for a rest, Pepper starts screaming and Steve thinks _of course._

He bolts upwards, his hand around his shield, turning the sharp corner to Pepper's office in full sprint, Rhodey a few steps behind him.

He bursts in the office and Pepper has her hands pressed over her mouth, she's crying and Tony is lying face down on the carpet and-

Oh, god.

Steve shudders to a stop when he sees the blood, and where the blood is coming from, but he makes eye contact with Pepper and quickly snaps into what Tony likes to call 'Capitan mode.' 

He falls to his knees, pulling his jacket off. "Rhodey, cover his wrists. Apply pressure."

"Why his wr-" Rhodey stops at the doorway, his eyes widening as he takes in the sight. "Fuck. Tony."

"Rhodey," Steve barks, pushing his jacket against Tony's right wrist and reaching over for the left, but Rhodey is already there.

Steve turns Tony over and his stomach lurches against the urge to dry-heave at how gone he looks, and then at how young he looks, how he doesn't have the familiar blue light radiating from his chest-

"Get Hank," He snaps at a gaping Bruce. "Tell him that Dr. Doom's time travel thing is focused on Tony this time. Call the Tony from this time and tell him to get here, now. And get a doctor. The bleeding's not stopping." 

-

He looks like he's sleeping.

Past-Tony looks like he's sleeping quietly in his bed (present-Tony's bed, the bed that Steve had woken up in this morning and the past few mornings before that).

Rhodey's lips are pressed together so hard that the pressure turns them white. His arms are stiff at his side.

"He-" Hank falters, his mouth moving soundlessly for a few seconds. "He was very- precise. He obviously did some research about-"

"In other words," Rhodey cuts him off, "He wasn't fucking around."

Pepper still has a hand at her mouth. "How old do you think he is?" 

"I'd tell you," Rhodey growls, "But Tony failed to mention at which point in his life he tried to goddamn kill himself-"

"Don't," Steve blurts, and Rhodey stops.

"I have run a DNA scan, and have concluded that this particular Mr. Stark is currently at the age of 23," Jarvis's voice says crisply.

Steve nods. "Thank you, Jarvis." His throat feels swollen.

"Could we just-" Pepper blanches, the hard line of her mouth quivering. "I don't want to see him like- this."

-

The entire room is quiet when Tony walks in.

He surveys the room and tosses out, "Who died?"

He is met by the glares of Pepper, Rhodey, Thor, Steve and Natasha.

His grin vanishes. 

"Fuck. I'm really going to regret saying that, aren't I? Did something happen? Are you guys okay?"

He looks at Steve, but Steve can't decide whether to kiss him or punch him. Thankfully, Pepper makes the decision for him by surging forwards and pummelling Tony's chest with her tiny fists.

"You _asshole_ \- why the fuck would you- you _stupid_ -" She proceeds to fling her arms around a very shell-shocked Tony and squeeze him, hard.

"I'm so glad you're okay," She sniffs, her voice muffled by his neck. She pulls back, shoots him a glare and adds, "asshole."

Tony blinks owlishly, looking extremely confused. "Pep, not that I don't love your crazy talk, but I can't remember doing anything horrendously awful in the last 76 hours, at least."

The floor suddenly starts turning transparent, starting from the right side and going all the way until the entire floor is see-through, allowing everyone to see Past-Tony.

Steve watches something collapse in Tony's face as he notices the thick strips of gauze circling each wrist.

"Oh," Tony says. "Well. I'll just- leave. For a few. Ah. Hours."

"Stay," Steve says, one hand going out to touch his arm.

Tony flinches away, and Steve sees his left hand shaking. It only happens when Tony's PTSD is acting up, or the ache for a drink is getting to the breaking point.

Steve withdraws his hand. "You're allowed to leave, if you wa-"

"I'll be fine," Tony interrupts, and, seeing Steve watching his shaking hand, stuffs his hand into his pocket.

"What do you remember?" Natasha asks.

Tony inhales, and Steve can see him pulling his walls back up as he does. Tony tries for a smile but it comes out weakly. 

"Bits. I was completely out of it at the time. There was a guy in a mask. It distorted his voice. But judging from the body structure, I'd say it was you, Cap." 

He's faking casual so hard it aches to watch him.

-

They sleep differently.

Past-Tony, he sleeps with a blank face, unlike what Steve is used to.

The Tony he knows always has a tiny dent in his forehead when he sleeps, and it becomes more pronounced when he has nightmares. He screws his face up, his hands claw loosely at the arc reactor. He mumbles in his sleep: Sometimes 'Obie' and 'please' and 'no.' 

Steve can't count the times he has woken up in the middle of the night to find Tony twisted to the side, screaming, his hands opening and closing wildly. 

It's probably about the same amount of times he's woken up shaking, half-crying, sobbing 'Bucky' into Tony's neck. Tony holds him until he can sleep again.

Lately, Tony has been saying Steve's name in his sleep.

That, and 'don't leave me.'

-

Tony hates the way that everyone's looking at him and pretending that they're not.

His hand is shaking so badly his pocket is vibrating.

He flexes it again, one finger at a time, before digging his nails into his palm. It doesn't hurt, so he does it harder.

Rhodey won't look at him. Pepper won't stop looking at him. They flank him on either side. 

He wants to break something, to down an entire bottle and fall from something and break every bone in his body and then see if they still believe him when he tells them that he's fine.

His gaze drifts to the ceiling, starts calculating the angles.

He tries to shut it down. 

_Stop it. Stop saying the numbers._

He tries to focus on something else.

It's been four months, two weeks, six days and eight hours since he has had a drink.

It's been 33 hours since he's slept (he's sleeping better since Steve has been here, honestly, he's just busy).

He leans his head backwards and tries to shut the numbers out, the exact angle of the windows, the gradient of the wall tiles. How from where Steve is sitting (down below them, in a shitty chair, next to his younger self), the ceiling looks solid.

The angle of the ceiling is 32 degrees and the measurements of the corner of his chair is-

_Stop it. Stop._

-

"He's awake," Natasha states, and Tony is surprised at the concern in her voice. She catches him looking and pulls the finger, making him smile for a second.

Past-Tony sits up slightly, wincing at the light. He reaches over for the paper cup sitting on the desk next to him. He takes a swig, smacking his lips.

He turns to Steve, who has a huge, black mask covering his face.

"Got anything stronger?" His throat is hoarse.

Steve's voice is flat, although you can't tell since the machine is fucking it up. "Tony-"

Past-Tony arches an eyebrow and it's so familiar it's like a punch to the gut. 

"What did you expect me to do, hang myself with my IV?"

Steve visibly flinches and Tony wants to shake his younger self, slap him, tell him to stop fucking with Steve.

Past-Tony takes another long swig. "So," he says. "Did the tabloids at least make a good pun in the headlines? Or did they just do the boring way out: _Genius Billionare Playboy Philanthropist Tries To K-"_

Steve feels like he's been scraped from the inside-out. This Tony is talking about his attempted suicide like- like- like exactly how Tony would. 

"Tony-"

"Yeah, who are you again?" Past-Tony grins, but it's full of broken glass.

"The newspapers don't know about this," Steve says finally.

"Really?" Tony raises his eyebrows. "They're vultures, I tell you. I thought for sure at least one of the really rabid ones would've come together with something."

Steve shifts in his seat. "They won't find out about this. Ever."

Past-Tony considers this for a second. "Stranger things have happened," he says, shrugging. "So, about the 'something stronger' request?"

If Past-Tony starts drinking, putting that bottle to his lips like it'll cure whatever's curled deep behind his ribs, Steve thinks he'll lose it and start hitting things.

_You saved me. Please let me save you._

"Tony, why-" Steve gestures towards Past-Tony's wrists.

Tony glances down at them like he hadn't even noticed they were there. "Hmm? Oh, right." He shrugs again. "Dunno. Nothing on television."

Steve closes his eyes for a second, like that will help. 

"Tony, you shouldn't-"

"Why do you give a shit?" 

"Because you're you," Steve says, and realises as Past-Tony's face closes off what a huge mistake that was. This Tony isn't his Tony, he doesn't know that 'because you're you' means 'because I love you, I am in love with you, you're amazing and please don't die.' 

"Because I'm me?" Past-Tony repeats. "Ah, yeah. Because you're you, you're Tony Stark: Fuck up, disappointment, fag, womanizer, walking disaster, not good enough because you're never good enough and you're just going to have to live with it except if you don't. I give a shit because this is my job, because you are Howard Stark's son, now continue being his son and keep making things that blow up.'

Steve gapes. "I didn't-"

"Yeah, save it," Past-Tony snaps. "What newspaper do you work for? What's with the Donnie Darko getup?"

Everything he says is like something burning being pushed into Steve's chest. The way Tony's saying it- so bitterly, so matter-of-factly, the self-loathing not even disguised. Steve is struck for what seems like the millionth time to hit Howard Stark until he bleeds, to demand how the hell he could do this to his son.

"Tony," Steve says. "I'm not from any newspapers. I'm here to help you-"

"Help me what?"

"You tried to kill yourself!"

"So?"

"So you shouldn't! You're 23, you inherited a big company-"

"Ever crossed your mind that maybe running a multi-billion dollar company is a teeny tiny bit stressful?"

"To-"

"Don't." Tony snaps suddenly, his voice rising to a yell and then dropping back. "Just- don't. Don't try and talk me out of it. I've had enough. I've been doing this for two decades and it's enough. I will always be in the shadow of my father, the numbers in my head will never let me sleep, and I can't drown it with booze and sex anymore. I can't."

Steve is at a loss for words. It seems like Tony, at any time period, has a thing for that. "Rhodey-"

"The only reason Rhodey is hanging out with me is because of pity," Tony says blandly. "He'll run the first chance he gets."

Steve scrubs a hand over the mask. "You can't honestly believe that." 

Tony grins again. "Why the fuck not?"

And then he's vanished into the air, and the bedsheets fall back to the mattress, and Steve rips the mask off his face and runs for the door. 

\- 

Past-Tony suddenly disappears, and Tony wants to erase the last half an hour from everyone's minds because his past self had spilled some pretty heavy stuff that he had never wanted anyone to hear, ever.

He watches as Steve charges for the door, and tries to ignore the way everyone's looking at him. 

"Dude," Rhodey says, breaking the silence, "I am so kicking your ass for that whole 'run the first chance he gets' bullcrap." 

Tony chokes out a genuine laugh, but it's all he can do before Steve has gotten the door open.

Steve starts towards Tony.

Tony raises his hands and starts babbling on autopilot:

"I was 23, I was an idiot, I'm fine now-"

"Shut up," Steve says still walking, his momentum shoving Tony into a wall and then Steve's kissing him hard, his hands in his hair.

Steve pulls back after a few seconds, breathing heavily. He takes Tony's left hand and presses his mouth to the tiny scar there, the one that he had watched being stitched up less than an hour ago.

"Don't you dare try that again," Steve says. "You're insufferable and you babble and I'm stupidly in love with you and you're emotionally retarded and you think so little of yourself and you are the single most amazing thing I have ever touched."

The air leaves Tony's lungs like a punch.


End file.
